Engaging with Emotions in Children’s and Youth Ministry: A Biblical Response to Expressive Individualism.
Emotions are everywhere. Schools teach children to identify, express, and trust their feelings. Social media amplifies their emotions, encouraging them to declare their inner state to the world. Disney preaches the gospel of self-discovery—“follow your heart,” “be true to yourself,” “you are what you feel you are.” Meanwhile, the church, in many places, has remained largely silent on the subject.
For years, some evangelical churches have erred in the opposite direction—perhaps out of fear of emotionalism, we have treated emotions as unimportant, unreliable, or even unspiritual. In our teaching, we have often emphasised knowledge and obedience but neglected the role of affections in the Christian life. We have failed to teach children how to engage with their emotions biblically. But the world has stepped into that vacuum, catechising our children with a theology of emotions that is neither biblical nor true.
How should we disciple children and young people in a world where emotions have become identity? How do we guide them to live not by feelings but by faith?
The Rise of Expressive Individualism: ‘You Are What You Feel’
In contemporary culture, emotions have been enthroned as the ultimate authority. A child is not just feeling sad; they are sad. A teenager questioning their identity is told that their emotions define their very essence. If you feel it, it must be true.
This is the air our children breathe. In secular psychology, emotions are viewed as intrinsic to self-discovery and self-actualisation. To repress or question one’s emotions is seen as harmful, even oppressive. Schools reinforce this message through well-being programmes and mental health education. The self is discovered not through truth outside oneself, but by looking inward. The heart is the compass, and authenticity is the highest virtue.
This philosophy—known as expressive individualism—is deeply ingrained in Western culture. It assumes that the highest good is to be ‘true to yourself,’ and that self-expression leads to flourishing. But Scripture gives us a very different view of the self, of emotions, and of what it means to be human.
A Biblical Theology of Emotions
God created emotions. He gave us the capacity to feel joy, sorrow, anger, love, and fear. Jesus Himself experienced deep emotions—He wept at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:35), felt compassion for the crowds (Mark 6:34), and expressed righteous anger (Mark 3:5). Our emotions are not sinful in and of themselves; they are part of what it means to be made in the image of God.
However, because of sin, our emotions—like every part of our nature—are fallen. The heart, far from being a reliable guide, is described in Scripture as deceitful above all things and desperately sick (Jer. 17:9). Emotions can lead us toward righteousness or toward sin, depending on whether they are rightly ordered. They are not inherently trustworthy.
Biblical wisdom does not dismiss emotions, but neither does it enthrone them. Instead, it teaches us to engage our emotions with truth. In the Psalms, David does not blindly follow his emotions—he questions them, directs them, and brings them under God’s rule:
- Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. (Psalm 42:5)
Rather than letting his emotions define reality, David speaks truth to his soul. This is the pattern we must teach our children.
Discipling Children and Youth in Their Emotions
If we fail to disciple children in their emotions, the world will. If we do not teach them how to process their feelings biblically, they will absorb the cultural lie that emotions define them. Here are three key principles for engaging with emotions in children’s and youth ministry:
1. Teach that Emotions are Real but Not Ultimate
Children and teenagers need to know that their emotions are real, valid, and important. But they are not the final authority. Feelings can be strong, but they are not always true. Proverbs 14:12 warns that “there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” We must gently help young people discern whether their emotions are leading them toward wisdom or away from it.
A child may feel unloved, but that does not mean they are unloved (Romans 8:38-39). A teenager may feel anxious, but that does not mean they have no hope (Phil. 4:6-7). Feelings should be acknowledged, but they must be brought under the authority of God’s truth.
2. Model Lament and Biblical Expression of Emotion
In many Christian homes and churches, children grow up believing that faith means suppressing emotions rather than bringing them to God. But Scripture does not teach emotional stoicism—it teaches lament, prayer, and worship.
We should not dismiss a child’s sadness with “don’t worry, just trust God.” Instead, we should teach them the language of the Psalms:
- “Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” (Psalm 62:8)
- “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22)
Jesus Himself invites us to bring our burdens to Him (Matt. 11:28-30). Children and young people need to see in us an example of engaging with emotions biblically—neither suppressing them nor surrendering to them.
3. Point Them to Christ, Not Themselves
The world tells children to look inside themselves for answers. The Bible tells them to look to Christ. In our discipleship, we must consistently point young people to the gospel, where they find their identity not in their fluctuating emotions, but in the unchanging love of God.
- Instead of saying, “follow your heart,” we must teach them to follow Jesus (Luke 9:23).
- Instead of saying, “you are what you feel,” we must teach them, “you are who God says you are in Christ.”
- Instead of saying, “express yourself,” we must teach them that true freedom is found in denying ourselves and living for Christ (Gal. 2:20).
The Church Must Speak into This Moment
For too long, the church has been silent on emotions, allowing the world to shape our children’s thinking. We must now step forward and offer something better. A biblical approach to emotions does not reject feelings but reorders them under the truth of God’s Word.
If we want to raise young people who stand firm in a culture of expressive individualism, we must disciple them to:
- Acknowledge their emotions honestly.
- Bring their emotions to God in prayer and lament.
- Discern whether their emotions align with biblical truth.
- Trust God’s Word over their shifting feelings.
This is an urgent task. Our children’s generation is being shaped by a secular philosophy of emotions that leads to confusion and despair. But the gospel offers something better—an identity rooted in Christ, a truth more solid than their feelings, and a God who welcomes them, emotions and all, into His steadfast love.
