Raising Men of Faith
A concerning trend has been emerging across the Western world in recent years: young men are struggling. This is not just a problem within the Church, but one that extends across wider society. To quote Russell Moore, young men are ‘failing to launch.’1https://www.christianitytoday.com There is a growing recognition that, as a society, we have failed to teach boys what it truly means to embrace manhood.
The consequences are catastrophic—not only for young men themselves, but also for women and, in fact, for all of society. In the UK, suicide is the leading cause of death among men under 50. According to the Office for National Statistics, boys are significantly more likely than girls to experience suicidal thoughts. This gender gap is especially stark between the ages of 15–19, and even more so among those aged 20–24.2https://www.ons.gov.uk/
Miriam Cates, former MP turned news presenter, recently highlighted in a thread on X some of the challenges involved in what she described as “restoring hope to Britain’s lost boys”:
- Boys are falling behind girls at every stage of education, from nursery to university.
- Boys are twice as likely to be expelled from school.
- 96% of prisoners are men.
- Boys are more likely to own a smartphone than they are to live with their dad.
- Young men earn less than their female peers.
- The construction, trade, and armed forces sectors are struggling to recruit.
- Far less attention has been paid to the challenges boys face with technology, including crippling gaming addiction and exposure to violent pornography.3https://www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/
In addition to these statistics, we’ve seen truly harrowing recent examples—such as the obscene numbers of men lining up to sleep with OnlyFans porn stars Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips. While we may rightly feel heartbroken and appalled by the desire of these young women to monetise their bodies in this way, should there not be equal concern and outrage over the young men eagerly participating in these debauched acts?
Should we not, as a society, be asking serious questions about how we have reached a point where such sexual depravity is not only possible, but clearly desirable for so many of our young men? Should we not pause and reflect: What is this doing to these young men and women? What is it doing to us all as a society? Is this the promised paradise of sexual liberation? The utopia of autonomous choice? Or is it, in fact, tragic, destructive, and evil? These are enormously important questions for us to ponder—though they fall outside the scope of this particular essay.
Still, the statistics and the stories don’t lie—we are in the midst of a boy crisis. This crisis has been highlighted recently by former England manager, Gareth Southgate 4https://www.bbc.co.uk/ and has been brought more into the consciousness of the public through the recent Netflix drama Adolescence. 5https://www.theguardian.com/
And when boys and young men struggle, it’s not only bad news for them. It is bad news for women, bad news for the economy, bad news for civic life, and bad news for the Church. Conversely, when boys and young men flourish—and embrace what it means to be men—it is good news for everyone: for women, for society, and for the Church.
Frederick Douglass, the great 19th-century American social reformer, once famously said:
“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
The question I want to address is this: how can Christian parents and the Church of Jesus Christ raise boys to be men of faith? More than that, how can we raise boys who grow into responsible, dependable, and courageous men—men of integrity and character?
1. Recognise that Boys Are Different
In thinking about this issue, we should begin with creation—God’s good order. Genesis teaches us that God made the world good. He created the idea of gender—of masculinity and femininity. God doesn’t make mistakes. The binary nature of gender is not some evolutionary quirk, but part of our Creator’s good design. In fact, the way Genesis 1 is written is intended to show us that binaries run throughout the creation account—day and night, land and sea, earth and heaven, male and female—and all of this culminates in the ultimate distinction between Creator and creation.
In a culture that seeks to blur the lines between the sexes and flatten distinctions to the point where gender is so diluted as to be almost meaningless, we want to say clearly and unashamedly: No. God has made us male and female, and it is good that He has done so. Gender matters. Therefore, masculinity matters. It is part of our good God’s good design for life in this world.
Of course, this is not to say that we should ever be dismissive of, or derogatory towards, women. Such attitudes are abhorrently sinful and an affront to God’s design. The Genesis account makes it clear that men and women have been created equally—both bearing the image of God, and both tasked with reflecting His glory to the world together.
At the same time, Genesis also teaches that men and women have been made differently. Adam was given the particular responsibility to care for and protect his bride, Eve. Matthew Henry highlights this in his beautiful reflection on the creation of Eve:
“Eve was not taken out of Adam’s head to top him, neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him.”
The first man, Adam, was to take responsibility. He was to love, care for, and protect his bride—and, in doing so, help her flourish. He was to lead her in the worship of God and guard her from all that might harm her. But Adam failed in this task. The drama of Scripture is the search for a second Adam—one who would perfectly love and care for His bride, who would sacrificially give Himself up for her and remain resolutely committed to her, no matter the cost.
Despite the failure of the first Adam, the creation accounts make it clear: men and women have been created differently, with different, God-given roles and responsibilities. We need to teach our boys the significance of what it means to be male—created in the image of God.
2. Recognise That the Home Is the Seedbed for Faithfulness
Our discipleship of boys must begin with much more deliberate thought about what’s happening in the home. This is where discipleship should be happening first and foremost. Particularly for boys from Christian homes, there’s a sense in which our task is to help their parents—especially Christian dads—take the lead in raising them to be men of faith. That’s a deeply biblical pattern. Proverbs 1–9, Psalm 78, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3 all speak to this.
The home is where our boys will see what it means to be a man of God, away from the public spotlight. They will learn by observation and imitation. Boys will learn so much about how to treat women by watching how their dad treats their mum. They’ll learn about work by noticing what their dad prioritises. They’ll learn about marriage and parenting by watching how their parents live together. They’ll learn about spiritual disciplines through what is modelled to them day by day in the home.
All of this means our boys need time—real, invested time—from their parents, and especially their fathers. It is lamentable that one of the defining features of modern life is how little quality time parents spend with their children. One UK survey suggested the average parent spends fewer than 30 minutes of meaningful time with their kids each day.6https://www.independent.co.uk/ That simply isn’t enough for the deep, transformative work of shaping hearts and minds into the likeness of Christ.
Parents—especially dads—need to carve out time to enjoy their sons, to listen to them, and to teach them how to do things, whether it’s cutting the grass, changing a tyre, playing the guitar, or hitting the perfect 2-iron!
How parents live before their sons will shape their understanding of what it means to follow Christ in the reality of everyday life. Christian parents should be encouraged to cultivate homes that are filled with joy, forgiveness, and grace. It is very hard to rebel against a joyful, grace-saturated, Christ-centred home. Of course, it is still possible to do so—but it becomes much more difficult. We must resist the temptation for our homes to become joyless, hypocritical, or legalistic.
There is, of course, the question of boys who grow up in homes without fathers; or boys who becomes Christians in homes where neither of their parents profess faith. In those situations, the Church needs to think carefully about how we can provide faithful, godly, consistent male role models in the lives of such boys. The Apostle Paul referred to both Timothy and Titus as ‘true sons in the faith.’ The Church will need to think deeply about what it looks like to provide father figures today for boys who need them.
3. Forming Boys by Fixing Their Eyes on the Man Christ Jesus
The journey from boyhood to manhood is complex—and for many young men, it is a time of deep identity confusion and even crisis. A central part of discipling our boys well is teaching them that their identity is in Christ—that in the gospel, they are united to Him.
In a culture that catechises boys to root their identity in performance or self-expression, we must counter-catechise them with the profound truth that their most significant identity is not something they have achieved, but something they have received. Their worth is not measured by their accomplishments or status, but by the unshakeable reality that they belong to Christ.
We must instil in our boys the daily necessity of running to Jesus for grace, mercy, and help. They need to know their desperate need of Him. If they do not learn to turn to Christ again and again, they will inevitably be drawn toward the likeness of the first man, Adam, rather than being formed into the image of Christ. And if that happens, we will raise boys who shirk responsibility, indulge the lust of their eyes, fail to honour or protect women, and ultimately hide from God—having rejected His Word.
The only way to resist the gravitational pull of the first Adam—our fleshly instincts—is to hold before our boys the glory, majesty, beauty, and wonder of the Man Christ Jesus. We need to pray that they will see Him in all His splendour—that they will be captivated by Him, so that they grow to hate their sin and long daily to put it to death.
When we teach our boys about Jesus, we must show them the real, biblical Jesus—not a flattened caricature, but the fullness of His manhood. A man of courage, yet full of compassion. A man of action, yet deeply emotional. His gentleness, sympathy, righteous anger, and tears are not contradictions to His masculinity—they are expressions of it.
Let them see:
- The Jesus who said, “How I long to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks” (Luke 19)—tender and heartfelt.
- The Jesus who wrapped a towel around His waist and washed the feet of His disciples, including the one who would betray Him and the one who would deny Him (John 13).
- The Jesus who ate with sinners and tax collectors, who defended the vulnerable and ostracised, who stood alone when necessary.
- The boy Jesus in the temple, immersed in Scripture and growing in wisdom and stature under His Father’s authority (Luke 2).
- The man Jesus in constant communion with His Father in prayer, modelling dependence and spiritual strength.
We must teach our boys to develop prayer lives like Christ’s—soaked in Scripture, sustained by grace, and brimming with compassion for others.
We should also help them understand the difference between sinful anger and the righteous anger of Christ. His anger was never reckless or self-serving. It was measured, intentional, and rooted in zeal for God’s glory. In John 2:15, He even made the whip Himself before driving out the moneychangers from the temple—a display of holy indignation, not impulsive rage.
And yes, we must show our boys that Jesus was misunderstood, mocked, betrayed, and rejected. He knew what it was to stand alone. He faced ridicule, false accusations, injustice, and abandonment by those closest to Him. And yet, He never wavered from the path set before Him. He perfectly obeyed His Father, even to the point of death.
The glory of Christ is displayed most powerfully and humbly in His crucifixion—as He lays down His life for His friends. Here we teach our boys that true love, true greatness, and true manliness are found in sacrificial service. In the cross, we see that godly masculinity is cruciform—it gives, suffers, and serves for the good of others.
We must show them the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ every single day.
Our understanding of masculinity must be shaped by Christ, not by culture. This is crucial. There is a brand of masculinity that says if you don’t do x, y, or z, then you’re not a real man. But biblical masculinity doesn’t reduce manhood to personality type, gifting, or physical ability. It is about Christlike, sacrificial service.
We can fall into the trap of celebrating a version of masculinity that looks more like Esau—physically strong, impulsive, worldly—than Jacob, whom God chose. We must remember that God delights to shape and use all kinds of men.
We need a vision of masculinity that sits comfortably with David as he slays lions, bears, and giants—but also as he plays the harp and writes poetry. Both are true expressions of godly manhood. We want our boys to see that biblical masculinity is strong and tender, courageous and compassionate, humble and holy—because it is ultimately formed in the likeness of Jesus Christ.
4. Practical Suggestions for the Discipleship of Boys
So how can we translate these convictions into everyday life—in our homes, churches, and communities? Here are some practical suggestions:
- Get boys around godly men. Boys become like the men they spend time with. One of the most formative things we can do is ensure they are regularly around older men who love Jesus and live faithfully for Him. Can we recruit godly men to serve in youth and children’s ministry—not just young adults or women? Or better yet, can we think in a much more intergenerational way about how boys can spend time with the godly example of older men? For example, can ‘men’s ministry’ be made accessible to and inclusive of adolescent boys? Could we look for ways to bring boys to church family prayer meetings? What might it look like to ensure there are godly male role models in a boy’s life beyond his father?
- Model what matters in corporate worship. Church should be unmissable. Christian boys should grow up in homes where they never have to ask on a Saturday evening, “What are we doing tomorrow?” Worship habits are caught before they are taught. How our boys engage with corporate worship will largely be shaped by what they see modelled. If the men don’t sing, don’t expect the boys to. If men don’t listen attentively to God’s Word preached, don’t expect the boys to. If the men are scrolling on their phones thinking about football, then so too will our boys. Prioritising and participating wholeheartedly in Sunday worship is going to be vital for the long-term discipleship of our boys.
- Guard their hearts against pornography. The porn industry is a powerful, evil juggernaut that is out to destroy the souls of our boys. We must teach them to guard their hearts with ferocious diligence in this area of life. That means cultivating wisdom when it comes to technology, having the hard and honest conversations about sexuality, and helping our boys see the Bible’s better story when it comes to sex and marriage—a story rooted in love, holiness, and covenant faithfulness. We want them to believe that God’s design is not just right—it’s beautiful.
- Get boys serving. Be it in church, in the home, or in the local community, serving others is a powerful way for boys to learn about the importance of sacrifice. Boys learn so much by watching others. They often open up best “side by side” rather than “face to face”—while working, walking, fixing, or building. They also tend to thrive off challenge and adventure. The more we can involve them in meaningful, active service, the more we can teach them what it looks like to live with purpose, to care deeply for others, and to embrace the adventurous challenge of life in the Kingdom of God.
In conclusion, we owe it to our boys to think much more robustly about how we raise them. The stakes are incredibly high. The consequences are significant—for them, for women, for the Church, and for wider society. Let us resolve to do all we can, by the grace of God, to shape their hearts for His glory—so that they might grow into men who love Jesus, live sacrificially, and stand firm in a world that desperately needs men of faith.
